motherlymusings.com

Is it possible for us as mothers to have hours of free time?  Well according to Holly it is.  I was reading Holly’s blog the other day and I came across a couple of things that really made me stop and think.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever read Holly’s blog but basically her readers ask her for advice and she responds.  She always has really great advice.  In the one that I was reading she was giving advice to a Mom who was struggling trying to find ‘free time’.  Holly usually has about 3 hours of ‘free time’ in the afternoon and then most evenings are free to spend time with her husband.  While reading, the one thing that she said that really hit me was “My kids all help out though, so this helps.”  She was referring to the amount of house work that needs to be completed.  With her kids helping her actual work load is quite a bit lighter.

Also she doesn’t look at projects such as gardening or sewing as work – more like “projects that I finally have the ‘chance’ to do, so perhaps it is an attitude issue for me – I FEEL free to choose what to do each day, or not to do.”

Lastly she said that “we keep the house basically tidy all week, and spotless once a week.”  Since the baby was born I’ve been struggling with getting my house spotless – I used to be able to have one day a week of cleaning, however recently it’s been taking me a couple of days to get everything done.  But I know that this will continue to get better as I continue to work on my MROL.

Up until I read this advice from Holly my kids didn’t help a whole lot with chores around the house, after all they’re only 3 and 2 – how can I expect them to really clean?  They cleaned up their toys at nap and bed times but that was basically it.  But really there is no reason why they can’t help out a little more.  It really has to do more with my perfectionism.  I have to make an effort to make sure and not redo what they have done (for 2 reasons – 1, it’s redundant and 2, if I’m going to want them to help with household chores I have to accept their best effort – if I redo what they’ve done they are going to feel inadequate and not want to help any more).

So basically I have to make an effort first to teach them to do the chores and then to allow them to do it their own way and not redo it.  For example, my oldest has always liked to vacuum, but I always go behind him and redo or finish the job.  I’ve got to just let him do it and accept it as done.

I have now taught them to clear their dishes from the table and put them in the dishwasher then they wash their hands and faces.  I’m teaching the oldest to clean the toilet while the middle child & I clean the tub, while the oldest washes the floor, the middle child and I wash the walls.  They also help with dusting and I’m going to get them back into making beds in the morning.

So I guess if I really look at things in my life I do have hours of free time.  I spend about 2 hours a day of free time outside with the kids and then another 4 or 5 hours a day working.  Now that my kids are helping more with chores I will find more time throughout the day and I believe that if I really work at my Mother’s Rule of Life I could find some ‘free time’ that was actually free and not spent working.

I was in the bank the other day with all three kids.  There was quite a long line up because apparently their systems were all down and they had to do everything manually.  We were about half way through the line up when the oldest said that he had to go pee.  So we left the line up and asked to use the bathroom.

When we came back from the bathroom we went to the back of the line to wait our turn.  An elderly lady told me to go in front of her because I was originally in line in front of her.  I told her that it was ok, that we could wait but she insisted.  So we went in front of her in line.  By the time we finally got out of the bank we had spent over 30 minutes just in line (which with kids is a LONG time!).

As I was buckling all the kids into carseats, I noticed the lady who had let me in line, so I walked over and thanked her again.  We chatted for a couple minutes.  She told me that the kids were incredibly well behaved and that it’s pretty rare to see children that happy and well behaved, then she mentioned that I was a busy mom.  I told her that my kids are easy kids so they make my job pretty easy.  She said that she had seven kids so she knows that it’s great parenting that makes good kids and she went on to tell me that I’m doing a really great job.

Several other women who were in the line up behind me made the same type of comments as they walked by the van as I was buckling the kids in.

You would think that I would be pretty confident in my parenting abilities from all of the comments that I receive on a consistent basis.  But just like everyone else, I’m always second guessing myself.  I think all parents want to do a good job and raise great kids.

I was really hoping that my middle child, who is 23 months, would hold off on potty training until the baby is done breast feeding.  That was one of the challenges I had with potty training my son – it seemed like every time I sat down to breastfeed, he would need to go pee.

But I guess when a child is ready, she’s just ready and there’s nothing you can do about it.  I know this is terrible but I got so stubborn about not wanting to potty train her that she would tell me that she had to go pee and I told her “It’s ok, you’re in a diaper.” (Only when I was breastfeeding of course.)  Then she’d get mad at me and whine “toilet”.  So obviously she wants to be potty trained – so we’re going with it.  She’s doing really well, and has only had one ‘accident’ in the week that we’ve been training.

It still is rather frustrating for me to stop breastfeeding to run to the toilet with her, but she is doing really good and I guess that’s all that matters.

The other frustration is now the two older kids are fighting over who gets to use the toilet first!  If one of them is using the toilet, then the other has a fit because they want to use it!  It’s not like we don’t have enough toilets in the house.  There are two regular sized and two small people sized!  I guess it’s just another case of “I want it because he/she has it.”  I just never thought that they would be fighting over a toilet!

Kids are funny!

My Meltdown

Meltdowns are pretty rare in our house.  My oldest may have a meltdown once every three or four weeks maybe, for the middle child it happens a little more frequently – once every week and a half to two weeks.  And of course the youngest is too young to have a meltdown yet.

The most recent meltdown was a huge one and it was all four of us melting down all at once.  I should have seen it coming but I think I was too exhausted to think things through and hedge off any potential meltdown.

It had been a really crazy week as we had company staying with us.  We haven’t had anyone stay with us in over a year, so that in itself was a difficult adjustment for the kids.  And being as our company had come such a long distance, we tried to do as much with them as possible, which also meant late nights and lack of daytime naps.  So of course everyone was exhausted!

It was bath time and I always bath all three kids together, they love to play and splash with each other in the water.  Bath time is usually a lot of fun for everyone.  (Well except Mom, who has to clean up the mess!  But still fun.)

Just as I finished putting all three kids in the tub the middle child started screaming and crying to get out of the tub.  She hadn’t even been washed yet so I quickly tried to wash her as she was crying and screaming.  The baby started crying when the oldest dumped a pail of water on her head and the oldest started crying when I took him out of the tub for dumping water on the baby.  So by the end of bath time all three kids were screaming.  I kicked the two older kids out of the bathroom and laid the baby down on the floor to dry her off.    The middle child came back in the bathroom and hit the baby in the head with the bathroom door.  I got her back out of the bathroom and before I could reach down to move the baby the oldest child hit the baby in the head with the bathroom door.

By this time not only were the three kids screaming and crying but I was yelling at the two older ones, trying to hold the door, hold back my son (from slamming the door into the baby again) and trying to move the baby.  I was quite upset as were all my children.

Not only did I upset my children but my company as well.  I feel absolutely terrible for upsetting everybody.  I rarely yell at my kids, I’ve spoken sternly or sharply but not yelling like I did that night.

But I guess even as parents we are still only human and make mistakes.  As much as we want to be perfect parents, it will never happen.  All we can do is learn from our mistakes and move on, trying to be the best we can be.