The Art of Sharing
Recently another parent asked me how I deal with the issue of sharing between siblings (or any other children.) Documentation and studies show that children do not develop the concept of sharing until at least 4 or 5 years of age. And really if you think about we as parents are probably the biggest ones to blame for this.
Right from infancy we teach our children what is theirs and what is ours – “babies bottle, babies blanket – don’t touch – it’s Mom’s (or Dad’s)” etc. So we’re teaching them about possessions at a very early stage and when it comes to them touching our ‘stuff’ on the most part we teach them how not to share. So really, why should we expect children to understand the concept of sharing at an early age?
Sharing is something that needs to be taught and as with almost everything else, best to start early. There are certain items and times that I do not expect children to share. ‘Special’ or ‘Comfort’ items do not need to be shared, the child can share those items if they choose but it is not expected. As for times when I do not expect children to share – when a child receives a new item or toy (birthday’s, Christmas etc.)
Basically our rules are if ‘child A’ has something and ‘child B’ wants it, ‘child B’ has to first ask ‘child A’ if they can have it. If the response is no, then ‘child B’ will have to find another item and try to trade ‘child A’ for the first item or wait until ‘child A’ is done with the item. If ‘child B’ takes the item away, they will have to give the item back and apologize and patiently wait for ‘child A’ to finish with the item.
If the children continue to disagree on the item, the item is taken away and they both have to find something else.
This is the same with books, usually when I’m reading a story to one, the other one wants to join in. Occasionally there are disagreements as to which page each child wants to linger on. If they cannot agree to read the book nicely, I put the book away and ask them to each pick a different book to read. If the disagreements continue, I stop reading books to them until they can co operatively read together.
So basically my philosophy is more of a taking turns rather than actually sharing. So far it seems to be working well. Let me know how you deal with the issue of sharing, I’d love to hear what you have to say!
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